R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
