you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Little spoons don't ask big questions
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
