My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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