You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
