I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
