im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
