that's an acceptable place to lick
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
