So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
