I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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