Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
