If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
