i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Randomize