State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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