just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
