Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
