my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Is it because I queefed?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
