first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize