Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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