We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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