something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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