I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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