shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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