Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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