I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
People in love make me want to vomit
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize