i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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