I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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