i barfeds in our rink
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
