Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
