when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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