we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
