I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
