i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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