I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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