i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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