I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
