2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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