I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
