I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
