If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
