I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
He is an equal opportunity slut.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize