i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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