There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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