If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
