She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
