I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
