If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
