I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
