Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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