I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
