The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
