I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
