He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
