You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
