You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
