Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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