I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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