I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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