I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
