Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
