I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
